Last week the Crew's favorite red-head mentioned an intense fondness for braunschweiger (a tubular shaped loaf of smoked liver paste)...and with that came the early-beginnings of a lunchtime challenge. This week, that intrepid red-head located said braunschweiger and divided it, pizza style, into wedges for the groups consumption. All personal opinions of the mystery meat aside, the cold cut truth is that the collective 2pmLunchCrew palette is peppered with processed meat fondness.
Sure, we've all experimented...dabbled in the world of jerky, canned 'chicken,' and the ever-present and often force-fed mystery meats favored by cafeteria workers. (Have you ever seen a frozen turkey-loaf that is half dark meat on the bottom and half white meat on top? You literally cook this processed-turkey-meat-hybrid and slice it, so you have a perfectly shaped 50-50 meat patty every time! Ponder that for a minute). But in the hierarchy of processed meats, somewhere between the seemingly indestructible SPAM can and the Holy of Holys...the corn dog*...fall a selection of lovable and unhealthy eats that tickle the tastebuds. For every braunschweiger fan in the 2pmLunchCrew there is a devotee of bologna or salami. There is deep affection held for the summer sausage, non-all-beef hot dog, and McDonald's chicken nuggets (What exactly are those hard little bits you chomp down on every 8th nugget or so, and how has McDonalds avoided a lawsuit over the equally inevitable and exorbitant dentist bill that follows said chomp?). There is also a cheerleader for the elusive Amish Country made 'trail bologna' (still not sure what that is, but we're assured it's not a cow pie).
Despite the fact that we live in a world where stomach and ovarian cancer can be tied to the excessive consumption of processed meat, we continue to salivate when we smell baked made-with-rib-meat chicken patties. At the end of the day, you can grind up anything you want, mash it together and put it between bread and someone, somewhere will eat it. Our hunter-gather ancestors would be ashamed...but then they would probably taste a Rodeo Burger at which point they would put down their spears and don a Burger King crown.
*labeled as such because it is a self-contained meal on a stick, and everyone knows if it's on a stick its automatically superior (aka holy)
A 'bowl' of fruit
What do you get when you cross 1/2 a pint of ripe strawberries, a large Florida orange, a perfectly ripened Chiquita, and a third-grade-reenactment-of-Snow White-worthy apple? A fruit salad for one of course!
What would your friendly neighborhood nutritionist have to say about eating a fruit salad of these proportions? A salad that literally spilled out of a large soup bowl it was so huge? (for the record, despite the enormous nature of the salad and that fact that no present bowl could contain it, our 2pmLunchCrew-er continued to add fruit...you can't NOT put in the orange once you've come this far, right people!?) Well, according to the Dietary Guidelines for Americans, a person on a 2,000-calorie diet should consume two cups of fruit a day. So, bring your measuring cups tomorrow because there may be some fruit-consumption calculations going down!
In addition to holding a fruity intervention, tomorrow will also mark the inevitable return of the meatloaf sandwich (sans extra ketchup) and hopefully (fingers crossed!) the VH1 re-airing of King Pin!
What would your friendly neighborhood nutritionist have to say about eating a fruit salad of these proportions? A salad that literally spilled out of a large soup bowl it was so huge? (for the record, despite the enormous nature of the salad and that fact that no present bowl could contain it, our 2pmLunchCrew-er continued to add fruit...you can't NOT put in the orange once you've come this far, right people!?) Well, according to the Dietary Guidelines for Americans, a person on a 2,000-calorie diet should consume two cups of fruit a day. So, bring your measuring cups tomorrow because there may be some fruit-consumption calculations going down!
In addition to holding a fruity intervention, tomorrow will also mark the inevitable return of the meatloaf sandwich (sans extra ketchup) and hopefully (fingers crossed!) the VH1 re-airing of King Pin!
...
Continuing the discussion on hygiene, members of the 2pmLunchCrew pondered the message on the sign pictured below and dreamed up our own anti-rude-behavior signs, mainly focusing on the unnecessary build-up of unclaimed food in the employee refrigerator and the lack of common sense when coworkers talk on the phone in annoying/irritating voices. However, a certain member of the panel may have in fact broken the 'anti-unclaimed-food' rule (the rule that same person happened to create) by abandoning a salad in the refrigerator. Is it a violation if the salad was in there from Thursday to Tuesday before discarded? Join a camp...one side says no because it was less than a week...but the other side says most definitely as the lapsed time bridged a weekend. Regardless, both parties agree that, after five days in a public fridge, the salad was inedible.
Personal Hygiene Awareness Day
VH1 Behind the Music - a 60minute PSA about hepatitis
Thanks to VH1 the 2pmLunchCrew learned that everything from rheumatoid arthritis to Bret Michaels can cause hepatitis. So, in an effort to spread the word and earn free Disney World passes from Michelle Obama (donate a day, get a day people!), the Crew is encouraging all readers to (1) take the following quiz, (2) check with your doctor to make sure you've been vaccinated, and (3) never, EVER get drunk with an '80s hairband member.
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An Act of Hubris
For all of you out there that follow the daily lunchcapades of the 2pmLunchCrew, you've noticed that posts have been severely lacking and for this, you dedicated vicariously-living folk deserve deep apologies. We have neglected you, depriving you of the details from when we watched Grease 2 on VH1 and leaving you uninformed when we debated the purpose and relevance of the annual Easter lamb of butter. What apology could we possibly offer for a misstep that has no excuse? What form would this apology, should it exist, take? Maybe a Hallmark ornament for your Christmas tree...but that could be hard to come by since Gold Crown stores are closing because of the economy. Or maybe a personalized stainless steel water bottle...those are certainly all the rage these days...but what if the pendulum of 'best portable water containers' swings back towards plastic Tupperware bottles while the steel tin is at the engravers? What we must find is something immediate...something both accessible but still causes the 2pmLunchCrew a degree of difficulty to share. The only possible solution is thus, humiliation.
What you see here my fine people, is exactly that. Well...maybe not exactly. Actually, this image makes the 2pmLunchCrew rather proud...proud that no one died during a frenzied donut-eating contest...proud that, at 3:32pm, neither participant has yet been sick or experienced indigestion...proud that the entire moment was captured on rivaling smart phone, the iPhone AND the Droid. The purpose of this event is not important (or perhaps it would be if there were one, but there wasn't so it isn't.) For the sheer joy of competition, the great buzz of a sugar-high, and the insane diversion from a Top Chef Masters re-run...the 2pmLunchCrew challenged a dedicated member of the panel and the Crew's on-again-off-again comedic sidekick (who is a lunchtime polygamist that suffers from a lack of permanent lunchtime affiliation) to what can be described as none other than the most ridiculous minute of donut-eating ever seen by man. The maneuvers employed were varied...one did a preliminary donut dunk while the other used the old-school 'use my finger as a plunger to remove the clog' technique. But in the end, the 2pmLunchCrewer lost. However, the victor may have provided the Crew with our next challenge...rumor has it the 2pmLunchCrew is not as vulgar as the preceding lunch group, the WileyOneO'Clockers (which according to the KeyMaster, is a ****ing load of ****). Hey WileyOneO'Clockers? It's on.
***Please Note: For the protection of the 2pmLunchCrew and its semi-affiliated polygamist friend, all identities in the above imaged have been masked and altered to prevent positive IDs of the pictured subjects. Thanks to Batman and his friend Robin who have perfected the technique of maximum identity protection through the minimal use of material; you've truly been an inspiration to us all.
***Please Note: For the protection of the 2pmLunchCrew and its semi-affiliated polygamist friend, all identities in the above imaged have been masked and altered to prevent positive IDs of the pictured subjects. Thanks to Batman and his friend Robin who have perfected the technique of maximum identity protection through the minimal use of material; you've truly been an inspiration to us all.
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