- Her clothes are more memorable than her acting.
- Her clothes come from a junior's department.
- Her contribution to My Best Friend's Wedding was sobbing, a karaoke song, and a bad haircut. (Yet she still convinced her fiance NOT to leave her for Julia Roberts!?!?!)
- Something About Mary. (No further explanation needed).
- Injuring ears everywhere with three hours of her 'Irish accent' in Gangs of New York.
- Every single scene from The Sweetest Thing.
- Her cackle.
- Having the audacity to think she could EVER be one of Charlie's Angels.
- Stealing scripts and magazine covers from actresses who actually have talent and beauty.
- For being Cameron Diaz.
Reasons Why Cameron Diaz Should be Tased
expanding the Napoleonic Code to include coworker birthday celebrations
The 2pmLunchCrew ran into a hick-up today. You see, a member of the illustrious panel celebrated a birthday yesterday, so Crew rules necessitate a celebration of some sorts today at lunch. However, said panel member began eating cereal (Cheerios with skim milk) at 1pm...yes, I said 1pm. This caught the Crew off-guard as, as another panel member pointed out, there's no going back once the milk hits the o's.
This event has brought up a debate amongst the Crew as to the rules and expectations of birthday festivities. It has been posed that, any and all Crew members should forgo the fake 'oh you guys!' and own up to the fact that, when it is your birthday, you come to work EXPECTING a free meal! You aren't surprised people remember and reward your aging with high-caloric fast food; on the contrary, if you DIDN'T get that perk you would angrier than a panel member getting maced!
Here is the debate, as it unfolds...
This event has brought up a debate amongst the Crew as to the rules and expectations of birthday festivities. It has been posed that, any and all Crew members should forgo the fake 'oh you guys!' and own up to the fact that, when it is your birthday, you come to work EXPECTING a free meal! You aren't surprised people remember and reward your aging with high-caloric fast food; on the contrary, if you DIDN'T get that perk you would angrier than a panel member getting maced!
Here is the debate, as it unfolds...
Ok…going forward, let’s just make it a rule that on your bday, food, in some capacity, will be provided for you at lunch! No more of this coy, ‘aww guys!’ stuff….everyone gets food, it’s not a hope or assumption…it’s a fact. And if for some reason you don’t, you have every right to exact your revenge.
Well to be fair, it can be difficult to guess if its coming before or after if youre not in the office on your actual birthday. Lets just replace the food with a briefcase full of money, that way you cant spoil it by eating a snack at your desk. if you want, I’d be ok with backdating this new practice.
True, but if the “before” date comes on a half day Friday when we do not have lunch and that “before” date has passed without any type of celebration, you can bet on the fact that the “after” date will have a celebration of some kind during the normally scheduled lunchtime.
And if the “before” dates contains the number seven, it’s automatically moved one half-day forward…unless the moon is in the waxing stage. Then everything gets flip-flopped. (Briefcase of money is easier.)
The debate is on-going...
the end is near...
So, for one minute lets ignore the fact that there has been no post, decent or otherwise, made on the LotA blog since April. Lets instead focus on what unmentioned and unreported events have occurred...and lets try to capture their essence while we still have the chance, because the world has been going crazy...spiraling towards the imminent apocalypse!
Sign #1: The ocean may, at this point, be more oil than water. Gulf coast restaurants, tourists attractions, and ways of life have been permanently jeopardized and literally halted...as if Louisiana needed more devastation. Things have escalated to the point that James Cameron has been called in for advice and the list of possible 'solutions' includes drilling more holes in the ocean floor.
Interpretation: The price of shrimp cocktail at Red Lobster will rise drastically.
Sign #2: The Touchdown Jesus in a conservative Ohio town got struck by lightening and consequently burned down. The event has been heavily covered and ridiculed on Facebook and Twitter.
Interpretation: God meant the whole 'graven image' thing. He prefers abstract Twitter handles.
Sign #3: KFC has partnered with charity, donating $1 for every bucket sold to Susan G. Komen for the Cure. Further KFC commitment to health concerns manifested in the hormone-injected Double Down, their Atkins-friendly response to the growing obesity problem in America.
Interpretation: Mass-consumption of KFC is the only way to squelch a chicken proletariat uprising.
Sign #1: The ocean may, at this point, be more oil than water. Gulf coast restaurants, tourists attractions, and ways of life have been permanently jeopardized and literally halted...as if Louisiana needed more devastation. Things have escalated to the point that James Cameron has been called in for advice and the list of possible 'solutions' includes drilling more holes in the ocean floor.
Interpretation: The price of shrimp cocktail at Red Lobster will rise drastically.
Sign #2: The Touchdown Jesus in a conservative Ohio town got struck by lightening and consequently burned down. The event has been heavily covered and ridiculed on Facebook and Twitter.
Interpretation: God meant the whole 'graven image' thing. He prefers abstract Twitter handles.
Sign #3: KFC has partnered with charity, donating $1 for every bucket sold to Susan G. Komen for the Cure. Further KFC commitment to health concerns manifested in the hormone-injected Double Down, their Atkins-friendly response to the growing obesity problem in America.
Interpretation: Mass-consumption of KFC is the only way to squelch a chicken proletariat uprising.
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