expanding the Napoleonic Code to include coworker birthday celebrations

The 2pmLunchCrew ran into a hick-up today. You see, a member of the illustrious panel celebrated a birthday yesterday, so Crew rules necessitate a celebration of some sorts today at lunch. However, said panel member began eating cereal (Cheerios with skim milk) at 1pm...yes, I said 1pm. This caught the Crew off-guard as, as another panel member pointed out, there's no going back once the milk hits the o's.

This event has brought up a debate amongst the Crew as to the rules and expectations of birthday festivities. It has been posed that, any and all Crew members should forgo the fake 'oh you guys!' and own up to the fact that, when it is your birthday, you come to work EXPECTING a free meal! You aren't surprised people remember and reward your aging with high-caloric fast food; on the contrary, if you DIDN'T get that perk you would angrier than a panel member getting maced!

Here is the debate, as it unfolds...

Ok…going forward, let’s just make it a rule that on your bday, food, in some capacity, will be provided for you at lunch! No more of this coy, ‘aww guys!’ stuff….everyone gets food, it’s not a hope or assumption…it’s a fact. And if for some reason you don’t, you have every right to exact your revenge. 

Well to be fair, it can be difficult to guess if its coming before or after if youre not in the office on your actual birthday. Lets just replace the food with a briefcase full of money, that way you cant spoil it by eating a snack at your desk.  if you want, I’d be ok with backdating this new practice.

True, but if the “before” date comes on a half day Friday when we do not have lunch and that “before” date has passed without any type of celebration, you can bet on the fact that the “after” date will have a celebration of some kind during the normally scheduled lunchtime.

And if the “before” dates contains the number seven, it’s automatically moved one half-day forward…unless the moon is in the waxing stage.  Then everything gets flip-flopped. (Briefcase of money is easier.)

 The debate is on-going...