It's a Tanner Family Tradition! Dueling Staircases
The 2pmLunchCrew debated Full House episodes today in attempt to reconstruct the layout of the Tanner family house. Two seemingly unconnected staircases, 4 bedrooms of rotating owners, the question of 'is the first room on the left at the top of the stairs a bathroom or Danny's room?' (apparent answer: both), where is the entrance to the attic, and the list continues. Much more thought must be invested in this topic.
2pm Infomerrcial
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Go Green! Never buy, wash, or fold a sheet again with Nickelodeon's new character-plastered mattress collection. Are you the parent of a bed-wetter, plagued by embarrassing pee stains? With you and your bed-wetter in mind, Nickelodeon mattresses are now available in Sponge Bob yellow!
Reasons Why Cameron Diaz Should be Tased
- Her clothes are more memorable than her acting.
- Her clothes come from a junior's department.
- Her contribution to My Best Friend's Wedding was sobbing, a karaoke song, and a bad haircut. (Yet she still convinced her fiance NOT to leave her for Julia Roberts!?!?!)
- Something About Mary. (No further explanation needed).
- Injuring ears everywhere with three hours of her 'Irish accent' in Gangs of New York.
- Every single scene from The Sweetest Thing.
- Her cackle.
- Having the audacity to think she could EVER be one of Charlie's Angels.
- Stealing scripts and magazine covers from actresses who actually have talent and beauty.
- For being Cameron Diaz.
expanding the Napoleonic Code to include coworker birthday celebrations
The 2pmLunchCrew ran into a hick-up today. You see, a member of the illustrious panel celebrated a birthday yesterday, so Crew rules necessitate a celebration of some sorts today at lunch. However, said panel member began eating cereal (Cheerios with skim milk) at 1pm...yes, I said 1pm. This caught the Crew off-guard as, as another panel member pointed out, there's no going back once the milk hits the o's.
This event has brought up a debate amongst the Crew as to the rules and expectations of birthday festivities. It has been posed that, any and all Crew members should forgo the fake 'oh you guys!' and own up to the fact that, when it is your birthday, you come to work EXPECTING a free meal! You aren't surprised people remember and reward your aging with high-caloric fast food; on the contrary, if you DIDN'T get that perk you would angrier than a panel member getting maced!
Here is the debate, as it unfolds...
This event has brought up a debate amongst the Crew as to the rules and expectations of birthday festivities. It has been posed that, any and all Crew members should forgo the fake 'oh you guys!' and own up to the fact that, when it is your birthday, you come to work EXPECTING a free meal! You aren't surprised people remember and reward your aging with high-caloric fast food; on the contrary, if you DIDN'T get that perk you would angrier than a panel member getting maced!
Here is the debate, as it unfolds...
Ok…going forward, let’s just make it a rule that on your bday, food, in some capacity, will be provided for you at lunch! No more of this coy, ‘aww guys!’ stuff….everyone gets food, it’s not a hope or assumption…it’s a fact. And if for some reason you don’t, you have every right to exact your revenge.
Well to be fair, it can be difficult to guess if its coming before or after if youre not in the office on your actual birthday. Lets just replace the food with a briefcase full of money, that way you cant spoil it by eating a snack at your desk. if you want, I’d be ok with backdating this new practice.
True, but if the “before” date comes on a half day Friday when we do not have lunch and that “before” date has passed without any type of celebration, you can bet on the fact that the “after” date will have a celebration of some kind during the normally scheduled lunchtime.
And if the “before” dates contains the number seven, it’s automatically moved one half-day forward…unless the moon is in the waxing stage. Then everything gets flip-flopped. (Briefcase of money is easier.)
The debate is on-going...
the end is near...
So, for one minute lets ignore the fact that there has been no post, decent or otherwise, made on the LotA blog since April. Lets instead focus on what unmentioned and unreported events have occurred...and lets try to capture their essence while we still have the chance, because the world has been going crazy...spiraling towards the imminent apocalypse!
Sign #1: The ocean may, at this point, be more oil than water. Gulf coast restaurants, tourists attractions, and ways of life have been permanently jeopardized and literally halted...as if Louisiana needed more devastation. Things have escalated to the point that James Cameron has been called in for advice and the list of possible 'solutions' includes drilling more holes in the ocean floor.
Interpretation: The price of shrimp cocktail at Red Lobster will rise drastically.
Sign #2: The Touchdown Jesus in a conservative Ohio town got struck by lightening and consequently burned down. The event has been heavily covered and ridiculed on Facebook and Twitter.
Interpretation: God meant the whole 'graven image' thing. He prefers abstract Twitter handles.
Sign #3: KFC has partnered with charity, donating $1 for every bucket sold to Susan G. Komen for the Cure. Further KFC commitment to health concerns manifested in the hormone-injected Double Down, their Atkins-friendly response to the growing obesity problem in America.
Interpretation: Mass-consumption of KFC is the only way to squelch a chicken proletariat uprising.
Sign #1: The ocean may, at this point, be more oil than water. Gulf coast restaurants, tourists attractions, and ways of life have been permanently jeopardized and literally halted...as if Louisiana needed more devastation. Things have escalated to the point that James Cameron has been called in for advice and the list of possible 'solutions' includes drilling more holes in the ocean floor.
Interpretation: The price of shrimp cocktail at Red Lobster will rise drastically.
Sign #2: The Touchdown Jesus in a conservative Ohio town got struck by lightening and consequently burned down. The event has been heavily covered and ridiculed on Facebook and Twitter.
Interpretation: God meant the whole 'graven image' thing. He prefers abstract Twitter handles.
Sign #3: KFC has partnered with charity, donating $1 for every bucket sold to Susan G. Komen for the Cure. Further KFC commitment to health concerns manifested in the hormone-injected Double Down, their Atkins-friendly response to the growing obesity problem in America.
Interpretation: Mass-consumption of KFC is the only way to squelch a chicken proletariat uprising.
Fans of processed meats, unite!
Last week the Crew's favorite red-head mentioned an intense fondness for braunschweiger (a tubular shaped loaf of smoked liver paste)...and with that came the early-beginnings of a lunchtime challenge. This week, that intrepid red-head located said braunschweiger and divided it, pizza style, into wedges for the groups consumption. All personal opinions of the mystery meat aside, the cold cut truth is that the collective 2pmLunchCrew palette is peppered with processed meat fondness.
Sure, we've all experimented...dabbled in the world of jerky, canned 'chicken,' and the ever-present and often force-fed mystery meats favored by cafeteria workers. (Have you ever seen a frozen turkey-loaf that is half dark meat on the bottom and half white meat on top? You literally cook this processed-turkey-meat-hybrid and slice it, so you have a perfectly shaped 50-50 meat patty every time! Ponder that for a minute). But in the hierarchy of processed meats, somewhere between the seemingly indestructible SPAM can and the Holy of Holys...the corn dog*...fall a selection of lovable and unhealthy eats that tickle the tastebuds. For every braunschweiger fan in the 2pmLunchCrew there is a devotee of bologna or salami. There is deep affection held for the summer sausage, non-all-beef hot dog, and McDonald's chicken nuggets (What exactly are those hard little bits you chomp down on every 8th nugget or so, and how has McDonalds avoided a lawsuit over the equally inevitable and exorbitant dentist bill that follows said chomp?). There is also a cheerleader for the elusive Amish Country made 'trail bologna' (still not sure what that is, but we're assured it's not a cow pie).
Despite the fact that we live in a world where stomach and ovarian cancer can be tied to the excessive consumption of processed meat, we continue to salivate when we smell baked made-with-rib-meat chicken patties. At the end of the day, you can grind up anything you want, mash it together and put it between bread and someone, somewhere will eat it. Our hunter-gather ancestors would be ashamed...but then they would probably taste a Rodeo Burger at which point they would put down their spears and don a Burger King crown.
*labeled as such because it is a self-contained meal on a stick, and everyone knows if it's on a stick its automatically superior (aka holy)
Sure, we've all experimented...dabbled in the world of jerky, canned 'chicken,' and the ever-present and often force-fed mystery meats favored by cafeteria workers. (Have you ever seen a frozen turkey-loaf that is half dark meat on the bottom and half white meat on top? You literally cook this processed-turkey-meat-hybrid and slice it, so you have a perfectly shaped 50-50 meat patty every time! Ponder that for a minute). But in the hierarchy of processed meats, somewhere between the seemingly indestructible SPAM can and the Holy of Holys...the corn dog*...fall a selection of lovable and unhealthy eats that tickle the tastebuds. For every braunschweiger fan in the 2pmLunchCrew there is a devotee of bologna or salami. There is deep affection held for the summer sausage, non-all-beef hot dog, and McDonald's chicken nuggets (What exactly are those hard little bits you chomp down on every 8th nugget or so, and how has McDonalds avoided a lawsuit over the equally inevitable and exorbitant dentist bill that follows said chomp?). There is also a cheerleader for the elusive Amish Country made 'trail bologna' (still not sure what that is, but we're assured it's not a cow pie).
Despite the fact that we live in a world where stomach and ovarian cancer can be tied to the excessive consumption of processed meat, we continue to salivate when we smell baked made-with-rib-meat chicken patties. At the end of the day, you can grind up anything you want, mash it together and put it between bread and someone, somewhere will eat it. Our hunter-gather ancestors would be ashamed...but then they would probably taste a Rodeo Burger at which point they would put down their spears and don a Burger King crown.
*labeled as such because it is a self-contained meal on a stick, and everyone knows if it's on a stick its automatically superior (aka holy)
A 'bowl' of fruit
What do you get when you cross 1/2 a pint of ripe strawberries, a large Florida orange, a perfectly ripened Chiquita, and a third-grade-reenactment-of-Snow White-worthy apple? A fruit salad for one of course!
What would your friendly neighborhood nutritionist have to say about eating a fruit salad of these proportions? A salad that literally spilled out of a large soup bowl it was so huge? (for the record, despite the enormous nature of the salad and that fact that no present bowl could contain it, our 2pmLunchCrew-er continued to add fruit...you can't NOT put in the orange once you've come this far, right people!?) Well, according to the Dietary Guidelines for Americans, a person on a 2,000-calorie diet should consume two cups of fruit a day. So, bring your measuring cups tomorrow because there may be some fruit-consumption calculations going down!
In addition to holding a fruity intervention, tomorrow will also mark the inevitable return of the meatloaf sandwich (sans extra ketchup) and hopefully (fingers crossed!) the VH1 re-airing of King Pin!
What would your friendly neighborhood nutritionist have to say about eating a fruit salad of these proportions? A salad that literally spilled out of a large soup bowl it was so huge? (for the record, despite the enormous nature of the salad and that fact that no present bowl could contain it, our 2pmLunchCrew-er continued to add fruit...you can't NOT put in the orange once you've come this far, right people!?) Well, according to the Dietary Guidelines for Americans, a person on a 2,000-calorie diet should consume two cups of fruit a day. So, bring your measuring cups tomorrow because there may be some fruit-consumption calculations going down!
In addition to holding a fruity intervention, tomorrow will also mark the inevitable return of the meatloaf sandwich (sans extra ketchup) and hopefully (fingers crossed!) the VH1 re-airing of King Pin!
...
Continuing the discussion on hygiene, members of the 2pmLunchCrew pondered the message on the sign pictured below and dreamed up our own anti-rude-behavior signs, mainly focusing on the unnecessary build-up of unclaimed food in the employee refrigerator and the lack of common sense when coworkers talk on the phone in annoying/irritating voices. However, a certain member of the panel may have in fact broken the 'anti-unclaimed-food' rule (the rule that same person happened to create) by abandoning a salad in the refrigerator. Is it a violation if the salad was in there from Thursday to Tuesday before discarded? Join a camp...one side says no because it was less than a week...but the other side says most definitely as the lapsed time bridged a weekend. Regardless, both parties agree that, after five days in a public fridge, the salad was inedible.
Personal Hygiene Awareness Day
VH1 Behind the Music - a 60minute PSA about hepatitis
Thanks to VH1 the 2pmLunchCrew learned that everything from rheumatoid arthritis to Bret Michaels can cause hepatitis. So, in an effort to spread the word and earn free Disney World passes from Michelle Obama (donate a day, get a day people!), the Crew is encouraging all readers to (1) take the following quiz, (2) check with your doctor to make sure you've been vaccinated, and (3) never, EVER get drunk with an '80s hairband member.
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An Act of Hubris
For all of you out there that follow the daily lunchcapades of the 2pmLunchCrew, you've noticed that posts have been severely lacking and for this, you dedicated vicariously-living folk deserve deep apologies. We have neglected you, depriving you of the details from when we watched Grease 2 on VH1 and leaving you uninformed when we debated the purpose and relevance of the annual Easter lamb of butter. What apology could we possibly offer for a misstep that has no excuse? What form would this apology, should it exist, take? Maybe a Hallmark ornament for your Christmas tree...but that could be hard to come by since Gold Crown stores are closing because of the economy. Or maybe a personalized stainless steel water bottle...those are certainly all the rage these days...but what if the pendulum of 'best portable water containers' swings back towards plastic Tupperware bottles while the steel tin is at the engravers? What we must find is something immediate...something both accessible but still causes the 2pmLunchCrew a degree of difficulty to share. The only possible solution is thus, humiliation.
What you see here my fine people, is exactly that. Well...maybe not exactly. Actually, this image makes the 2pmLunchCrew rather proud...proud that no one died during a frenzied donut-eating contest...proud that, at 3:32pm, neither participant has yet been sick or experienced indigestion...proud that the entire moment was captured on rivaling smart phone, the iPhone AND the Droid. The purpose of this event is not important (or perhaps it would be if there were one, but there wasn't so it isn't.) For the sheer joy of competition, the great buzz of a sugar-high, and the insane diversion from a Top Chef Masters re-run...the 2pmLunchCrew challenged a dedicated member of the panel and the Crew's on-again-off-again comedic sidekick (who is a lunchtime polygamist that suffers from a lack of permanent lunchtime affiliation) to what can be described as none other than the most ridiculous minute of donut-eating ever seen by man. The maneuvers employed were varied...one did a preliminary donut dunk while the other used the old-school 'use my finger as a plunger to remove the clog' technique. But in the end, the 2pmLunchCrewer lost. However, the victor may have provided the Crew with our next challenge...rumor has it the 2pmLunchCrew is not as vulgar as the preceding lunch group, the WileyOneO'Clockers (which according to the KeyMaster, is a ****ing load of ****). Hey WileyOneO'Clockers? It's on.
***Please Note: For the protection of the 2pmLunchCrew and its semi-affiliated polygamist friend, all identities in the above imaged have been masked and altered to prevent positive IDs of the pictured subjects. Thanks to Batman and his friend Robin who have perfected the technique of maximum identity protection through the minimal use of material; you've truly been an inspiration to us all.
***Please Note: For the protection of the 2pmLunchCrew and its semi-affiliated polygamist friend, all identities in the above imaged have been masked and altered to prevent positive IDs of the pictured subjects. Thanks to Batman and his friend Robin who have perfected the technique of maximum identity protection through the minimal use of material; you've truly been an inspiration to us all.
Forsake no more California, your heroes have arrived!
Don't let television shows fool you...life in the 90210 zip is rough. It's damn near impossible to find a decent masseuse for your chihauhua, the toilet paper will totally chaff your skin, and there is always an under-abundance of mirrors in which to gaze. The sun makes you sweat unattractively, the sand leaves you feeling dry and gritty (and not in a 'I just had microdermabrasion' kind of way), and the ocean spray screws up your hair despite your $1,500 Extra-Super-Mega Hold Hair Gel. It freakin' sucks.
Nonetheless, there are three modern day heroes braving these apocalyptic conditions to better mankind. Your parents knew Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, and Peter Parker...but YOU have Josh Flagg, Madison Hildebrand and Chad Rogers! Three cut-throat, ball-busting, metrosexual realitors whose shared journey is wrought with personal hygiene products, supersized egos, and a lifetime supply of skinny jeans. All super heroes have to have a day job, so these Los Angeles hotties sling overpriced Hollywood homes by day, and search for a sense of self by night.Thanks to Bravo, the Nickelodeon of today's youth, viewers have shared the pain and struggle Josh, Madison and Chad face daily. Whether it's taking advantage of a grandmother's Holocaust experience for personal gain (buy Josh's book A Simple Girl: Stories my Grandmother Told Me at www.JOSHFLAGGBOOK.com!), combating enemies through passive-aggressive looks of disdain, or convincing bbcakes to sign a joint custody agreement for precious little Starla, audiences are there to hold the hands of California's favorite sons (especially during thunderstorms, which makes more than one of them cry out for mommy.)
Nonetheless, there are three modern day heroes braving these apocalyptic conditions to better mankind. Your parents knew Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, and Peter Parker...but YOU have Josh Flagg, Madison Hildebrand and Chad Rogers! Three cut-throat, ball-busting, metrosexual realitors whose shared journey is wrought with personal hygiene products, supersized egos, and a lifetime supply of skinny jeans. All super heroes have to have a day job, so these Los Angeles hotties sling overpriced Hollywood homes by day, and search for a sense of self by night.Thanks to Bravo, the Nickelodeon of today's youth, viewers have shared the pain and struggle Josh, Madison and Chad face daily. Whether it's taking advantage of a grandmother's Holocaust experience for personal gain (buy Josh's book A Simple Girl: Stories my Grandmother Told Me at www.JOSHFLAGGBOOK.com!), combating enemies through passive-aggressive looks of disdain, or convincing bbcakes to sign a joint custody agreement for precious little Starla, audiences are there to hold the hands of California's favorite sons (especially during thunderstorms, which makes more than one of them cry out for mommy.)
Public Television
Just a link today...just watch it and you will understand...for increased amusement, watch it without the sound on!
Sit and Be Fit
Sit and Be Fit
The E! True Hollywood Story: True Hollywood Story
How much does one make for compiling an E!True Hollywood Story? Or rather, how much respect does a THS compiler have in the television production world? THS: 18 Worst Hollywood Tragedies....THS: 15 Most Deadly Hollywood Curses....THS: 10 Greatest Stories Ever Told....THS: 12 Best Hollywood Makeovers...there is no LITERALLY no end in sight as each topic is completely devoid of objectivity and the list is out-dated by the time it airs. What's more, each topic needs to be re-addressed every couple of years to incorporate the inevitable NEW worst tragedies and the NEW greatest stories! THS could film the same episode every day, but written by someone different, who would ultimately create a list of 12 OTHER Best Hollywood Slumber Parties! So the vague subjectivity around which the THS franchise has been built is simultaneously it's key to job security.
What is the dialogue in the production meeting like?
What is the dialogue in the production meeting like?
Incompetent and clueless male manager (think Keanu Reeves): So....like, what can we talk about this week, Cameron?
Stereotypically ditzy blond female staffer (for these purposes, played by Cameron Diaz): Well, Mr. Reeves, I was thinking we could take the the makeovers episode and re-air it, only this time call it THS: 12 Hollywood Hotties, Before They Were Hott!!!!
Keanu: Camerooooon....we've talked about thissssss....don't call me Mr. Reeves, that makes me feel old...and I can't be old because I haven't accomplished anything yet. But that's a great idea...we should really, really think about doing that...
Sarcastic and overweight male staffer (in complete disregard for the 3rd dimension...played by Eric Cartman): Oh, f*** yeah guys! Let's do it...and next week, why don't we air it again and call it 12 Most Amazing Hollywood Transformations!
Keanu: Great idea Eric! I dig your thought process....Cameron, make sure you write that one down...
Upstaged-Cameron: Point for the fat guy...
Eric: I’m not fat, I just haven’t grown into my body yet you skinny b****.
Oblivious Keanu: Great meeting guys...I'm gonna go to Jack in the Box now...you can get breakfast there ALL day!(*Disclaimer: The 2pm Lunch Crew watches a lot of E! True Hollywood Story.)
Dreaming of Squirreli
Thanks to our resident Italian and the illustrious keymaster, the hot-wired tv featured a Jimmy Fallon clip of the reunited cast of California Dreams today. The easily forgotten step-sister of Saved by the Bell, California Dreams' only saving grace is a catchy theme song about attitudinal surf dudes sleeping in the skin-cancer-causing California sun. Aside from some ABC family movies, the cast has, cumulatively done nothing since 1996...although one of them did gain a decent amount of weight, a fact made all the more noticeable by his decision to shave his head bald. So...with cheap McDonald's food and an off-pitch teen-comedy theme song to eat it by, the 2pm Lunch Crew was content to discuss the elusive Shamrock Shake and the mystery of why it is apparently not a heavily consumed product on the east side. (Socioeconomics is not a contributing factor, as both wealthy non-McDonald fans as well as east-side-poor (not to be confused with regular ole 'poor') drive thru junkies were polled.)
But alas, as in most lunchrooms across the nation, California Dreams gave way to Colbert Vancouverage. Raining on the jovial parade of Colbert zingers, however, was the reemerging squirreli. (Note: the 2pm Lunch Crew has a crippling and debilitating infestation of squirrels, aka...the squirreli. The squirreli are hoarders, constantly in search of nuts to steal and hide, only to lose again. The squirreli are obnoxious and of the grey variety. They are not afraid of humans, but are prone to bite the hand that feeds them, so any and all attempts of domestication should be avoided.) Today, the squirreli argued about nuts and continued their futile search to find a haystack in a pile of needles. (Yes, the squirreli are THAT ridiculous).
But alas, as in most lunchrooms across the nation, California Dreams gave way to Colbert Vancouverage. Raining on the jovial parade of Colbert zingers, however, was the reemerging squirreli. (Note: the 2pm Lunch Crew has a crippling and debilitating infestation of squirrels, aka...the squirreli. The squirreli are hoarders, constantly in search of nuts to steal and hide, only to lose again. The squirreli are obnoxious and of the grey variety. They are not afraid of humans, but are prone to bite the hand that feeds them, so any and all attempts of domestication should be avoided.) Today, the squirreli argued about nuts and continued their futile search to find a haystack in a pile of needles. (Yes, the squirreli are THAT ridiculous).
Flippin'
We rigged the tv to the internet yesterday. When I say we, I mean the keymaster and when I say rigged, I mean got a really long cable and some receiver-box-gizmo and connected the tv to a laptop. Now...our television does have cable. However, the Comedy Central schedule is screwed up. They moved the replays of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report to an unacceptable and inconvenient time slot....and yes, I hope a Time Warner corporate executive with scheduling authority is reading this, and yes, by unacceptable and inconvenient I mean a non-2pm slot. So, we Lunch Crewers have been, for some time, without our daily dose of dry wit and sarcastic Onion-esque news. It's terrible what channel-surfing does to the mind...(ahem, two weeks of curling, remember?!) So, yesterday the tv was hot-wired to the internet where we streamed The Daily Show...and what better episode to watch! It was Interview with a Vampire and a watered-down version of Porky's all rolled into one! And o, did the memories of happier lunches gone by flood back to us!
Today....without our keymaster...we once again flipped channels...watching Kardashians get pummeled for charity, a giant rabbit-like creature confound a pill-popper in the bathroom, and the always entertaining Fight Club which apparently, in way reaches the level of disgusting vulgarity that the book does (this statement has not yet been supported by sound Pictionary evidence). O, but we did determine what clothing an alien wears to conceal the zipper that holds the human shell around his true form! So not a wasted hour after all.
Today....without our keymaster...we once again flipped channels...watching Kardashians get pummeled for charity, a giant rabbit-like creature confound a pill-popper in the bathroom, and the always entertaining Fight Club which apparently, in way reaches the level of disgusting vulgarity that the book does (this statement has not yet been supported by sound Pictionary evidence). O, but we did determine what clothing an alien wears to conceal the zipper that holds the human shell around his true form! So not a wasted hour after all.
happy bday! love, your favorite aardvark
It is a lovely act of kindness when your coworkers remember your birthday. When they hand you a deep-fried and glaze covered donut for breakfast and praise all that is you...for inside of 5 minutes YOU are the king of the cubicles!...the fact that your crown is courtesy of Burger King only makes it more awesome! With the obligatory donut ritual checked off the to-do list, your co-workers return to their desks. But 2pm Lunch Crewers know, the fun doesn't end there! Oh no....secret surprise lunches are planned, decoy traps are laid, decorations are forged by fluorescent light using only the finest clip art available! True, these efforts are made on behalf of your birthday just as much as they are out of self-serving aims to eat Chipotle and play paper football. But what happens when, rightly so, the 2pm hour becomes the highlight of your birthday? Leaving any other attempts by family, friends, or aardvarks to pale in comparison? This year...and by year we mean starting in May...the 2pm Lunch Crew will take a new approach...birthdays will never be the same...and your beloved family and friends, and even a freaking aardvark will receive an instant A+ for their efforts...because for 60minutes of your birthday, from 2pm to 3pm the celebration will revolve around all those things which you DESPISE. For the "global warming is a fraud" fanatic, a "go-green" party...for the tried and true Italian (and by Italian I mean still visits family in Italy)...pasta from Pizza Hut (the finest in Italian cuisine!)...more themes to follow. But take a cue from the 2pm Lunch Crew and do your family, friends, and < if you don't know any aardvarks insert your animal of choice here > a favor and celebrate your most hated things in life at lunch...it will make that store bought cake and bouquet of wilted flowers look a whole lot better when you get home!
to curl, or not to curl
Though the lunch crew entered the Winter Olympic season divided (those with intense opening-ceremony-party-planning spirit vs. those with better things to do), the last week has been devoted to the mysterious and elusively-scored game of curling. For those of you as unfamiliar with the sport as we, curling is the fast-paced and high-adrenaline sport, nay, art, of stone sliding. The timeless game was invented by Norwegian cave dwellers shortly following the division of Pangaea and has remained to this day in it's pure unadulterated form. Stones are to be slid down a lane of ice, propelled by the yelling of innuendous phrases. While stones have no finite destination, they do travel in the utmost cleanliness, as two players must sweep all debris from the stone's way. This prevents the rare stones from being scratched, gave cave-wives the opportunity to break in their new brooms, and ensured the safe retrieval of the stone since the sweeper would be present when the stone eventually stopped. Curling is the eldest child of stone throwing sports, closely followed by shot-put; the family favorite, bowling, with it's structured scoring system and snazzy pins, has always garnered the most attention, often leaving curling bitter and lonely....two character traits that are often exemplified by curling players.
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